Why I Lose Sleep Over Travel…and Choose it Anyway

As I’m deep in the planning process lately, I’ve been thinking about travel and what it means to me. As most of you know, my heart has been restless for faraway places as long as I can remember. I “blame” my parents for this, as they were the first ones who planted the seed of travel in me. Although I spent my childhood in Communist Poland, where foreign travel was technically prohibited unless to other Communist countries, my parents had always found a way somehow to visit other places distant from our home. We’d pack our car and head towards Austria and Italy, stopping by Bulgaria and Hungary with Slovakia as a bonus place since we had no difficulties getting into any of these countries. I believe it is in those times that the travel bug had really caught the better of me. Later in my teenage years we immigrated to America, where travel opportunities are bountiful and there are plenty of beautiful destinations to visit within. However, the major turning point for me was Semester at Sea program that I signed up for as a junior in college. It was a four month “voyage of discovery” across three different continents and ten countries that instilled that deep love and fascination with travel for me that is present and burning to this day.

As I get older, I’m noticing that travel is taking on an entirely new meaning and a new taste for me, surprisingly sometimes bitter sweet. I am still traveling, but now calculate each potential trip at a much deeper level. I am no longer interested in mere beach vacations (although those can be very needed at times) nor do I take joy in plain sightseeing. I am now longing to dig deeper. I want to travel with a purpose. I want to return with experiences that somehow transform me for the better and motivate me to do something bigger with my life. And with that, I want to bring back photographs that inspire others to travel more and perhaps to set in motion a positive change in their lives as well.

There is also another aspect of the travel experience I’m recognizing as I get older. Part one is very physical – I now ache a lot more on those long flights than I used to. I was never a deep sleeper on any flight to begin with, but now I find it almost impossible to get some shuteye on any journey. I feel my neck and back pretty consistently throughout any flight or bus ride. And I’m no longer able to run around the streets as soon as I hit any new city on my destination. Growing older is a real struggle my friends 🙂

Part two is a lot more philosophical in nature. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself constantly questioning my travel choices. This was never an issue before. All I had to do was come up with a destination and the next thing I knew I was booking my flight there. Nepal? No problem! India second time in a row? Why not! Thailand with the girls? Well of course dear friends!

This, I’m becoming painfully aware, is not so easy for me anymore. It is not the financial aspect that stops me (I have always been a very frugal traveler and I am pretty skilled at cheap travel) or the lack of vacations from work (I actually don’t work that many days in a month). It’s more of my own anxieties and fears that are stopping me. I am more reluctant to leave my family behind. I worry about the safety of the journey. And lastly, I now take into account the opinion of others when it comes to my travels, which quite frankly can outright paralyze my plans.

Maybe that sounds a little ridiculous. Why should I care about what others think? It’s my life and my choices after all. And yet I can’t help but to feel a little anxious each time I book a trip somewhere. Perhaps it has to do with society’s general views on the topic. When you’re young and single, traveling is viewed very positively and even highly encouraged. However, as you get older, it is expected of you to prioritize other things in life. You’re presumed to “settle down”, find a stable job and focus on creating a family and saving money for retirement. It is no longer considered practical to travel. Some will say it is outwardly selfish…

And yet…Despite the anxieties and fears I carry in my heart, despite knowing that I may seem a bit of an outsider in this regard, I still choose to carve out the time for distant journeys…Because deep down inside, I know that travel is more than a mere commodity or an egocentric endeavor. Travel is truly the best education we can give ourselves. As Mark Twain brilliantly put it into words,

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.” 

 I realize that the only true obstacle to my traveling is my own dubious self and the unfavorable stories I create in my own head. Perhaps the only way to face and overcome this dilemma is to continue dreaming, continue choosing joy over fear and gratitude over unease. And to choose adventure always, knowing that in the end, the challenge of it all helps me become the best version of myself that I can be.

I wish that not only for myself but for each and every one of you as well. No matter what personal challenge you face.